free fallin' (in a good way :)

I can’t get him out of my head and I love it. It’s taken me a while to let myself feel the way I do for him. Love is a huge risk, it can pay off in ways you didn’t know it could or it could backfire and leave you with less of yourself. I have had a few pretty tough backfires but I think I finally got it right and trust him more than I have ever trusted another and I am free falling. And I love every second. I have prayed for a man like him and my heavenly father knew he was just who I needed (and also that he is the only man who could put up with me lol but seriously) I love everything about him right down to what he is insecure about. It’s perfect.

Crazy how everything I despised about the last relationship I was in has never even begun in this one.

He is respectful. Not only to me, but to EVERYONE he meets. (This was absolutely huge for me

He is the sweetest most romantic person I have ever dated

He truly loves every part of me (not just the good parts)

He will make a great husband and father I see it in him already

I probably sound like one of those annoying love-sick people I always used to get annoyed at and eventually make fun of, so if you are annoyed by this its ok.

Yours will find you, someday, I don’t know how, but he will.

I am finally falling and I love it.

Never quite felt this way before. And i can't get enough

So I started a new job as a nanny in south salt lake. And I'm really enjoying it. I get to hang out with a sweetheart of a little boy all day and eat (and if you know me you know this is probably my favorite activity haha)

i am so in love with my boyfriend and I have never dated anyone who understands me to the extent that he does. He knows and meets every need I have. (not only my needs, but everyone in his lifes needs too) He even meets needs I didn't know I needed. No one has ever made me feel this good about myself and no one has ever done it this effortlessly. Anyone that knows Justin knows how wonderful he is.

There are so many times when I find myself wishing I could be more like him; more giving, more loving, more suportive. He makes me want to be better and that's something I have always wanted to find. Not only someone who makes me want to be better, but someone who pushes me to in a positive and powerful way.

Sorry I'm being mushy but I wouldn't write it if it weren't how I felt in my heart. Gosh I love him.

etsy is my new best friend...

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=43117672&ref=sr_list_2&&ga_search_query=ceramic+hand&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

my first ever post on etsy! I put it up for a pretty penny, but it took me a while to make, and if i do say so myself it is pretty awesome.. :)

you know he loves you when your ring is this big:



lol no just kidding! but i do love this ring i got from lia sophia! and i will wear it until he proposes :)

hey now, hey now, dont dream its over...

started my new job at the census call center today. so interesting to see all the different people who made it through the interview. even more interesting to see how many people didnt show up with a pen... i would say about half the people had to borrow pens from the staffing agency.... it just blew my mind.

also discovered the new paramore cd (freaking genius and i am in love with it) you should probably check it out. also like the new justin bieber song.... childish i know... but listen to it. its really sweet and makes me happy

i didnt drink any coke to help me stay awake this morning (lef the house at ten after six... dreadful) and started getting a headache at lunch so i got one. i really need to stop with the cokes..

well, this post is pretty pointless, but i will keep it lol

your actions say it all.

i think this quote says it best, its from one of my favorite movies (The Last Kiss);

"Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts. "

i will never hurt this boy that i love. never again that is. he has freely given me all of his love, holding nothing back, and now its my turn. I wont be scared, i wont run, or do something to jeprodize what we have worked so hard to get. it has taken so much out of me and its not easy, but its so much better than what i had before, that i dont think i can even compre the two. i love you with all that i have. i am letting everything else flow out of me. i will give all my pain and sadness away.

you are my everything and i will never look back. ever again.

the time for change (for me) is now

im not as good a writer as other people. heck, im not a good a person as others. all i can do is my best. and even that is hard sometimes. but i know i take too much for granted. i look at the way other people are living (and without even meaning to, compare myself to them) and realize that i am so lucky to have what i have, and to have experienced the things i have experienced. i know that without what i have gone through, i wouldnt be the same person. i would probably still be wondering, "i wonder what that is like...." i dont want to look back on my life and regret it. i want to live it each day with purpose and do my best.

so easy to sad, but so much more challanging than i ever thought possible. a good friend of mine lost someone because he decided to end their relationship. like me, she was upset to see it end, but i think that deep down she knows this is what is supposed to happen in her life. her subconcious has been telling her for sometime that he is not what she needs. hes a great guy, he cares, but he isnt for you. there is something else in store for her, something better. if we have known God as long as the church teaches that we have (we were with him for the space of 5 million years i believe, but dont quote me) he knows us pretty well. he knows our potential and he knows what we deserve. He will do everything in his power (besides take away our agency) to give us what he knows we deserve. But thats the problem. there are people in the world who dont think they deserve to be happy. or they are just looking in the wrong direction for happiness.

i think of all the time i wasted being sad, time i still waste some days wallowing in my own self pity. someone hurt me, and i gave so much to that person that i dont think i will ever forget what i have learned. but there are people hurting much worse than me every day. i need to stop this "pity party" and start serving others. all my posts sound really cliche`, but thats really how i feel today. stop being sad for yourself and help someone else. there is a time to be sad, but that time has been long gone for you. put the past where it needs to be: in the past. Move forward and look at all God has given you. Look at all the times God has been there to carry you and listen and bless.

we each only have one life. and im going to stop wasting mine. stop taking my health and my strength for granted. now is the time to change.

love this man

Looking back on the past three months I really haven’t been that fair to him. He is not the guy who hurt me or cheated on me. He is someone brand new and God put him in to my life for a reason. And he treats me like a princess. He ALWAYS opens my doors for me and gets mad if I touch them haha he will slap my hand playfully and scowl and say, "hey I told you not to touch that!" even the other night when I tried to end it with him because I'm so scared of actually letting him in, letting him see how vulnerable I really am, he texts me all night and when im scared in the dark in my bed (because I watched this a&e show about a serial killer and couldn’t get it out of my head) he asks me if I want him to come over... after everything I have put him through... every little mean comment, every little snap of my short temper, and yet he is still here.

If that doesn’t prove something, I don’t know what does. He bought me new glasses online (when his glasses are being held together by lots and lots of black electrical tape) he is probably the most selfless person I have ever dated. There are so many little things he does every time he sees me; I don’t think a day goes by when he tells me how beautiful I am, (right after I take off all my makeup which is pretty much me at my lowest and lowest self esteem as well.) He also always makes sure I am happy (whether we are going to a movie or out to dinner or just lounging around the house) he always makes sure that I am home safe (and hates to not be the one tucking me into my bed, tucking my blanket and sheets around me, getting me all cuddled up in my blankets.

And to be absolutely honest, I never thought I would find a guy like this. A guy who could possibly care this much about me. I thought I had found one, but I knew all along that he didn’t truly care (with all of his soul, when it probably took this boy 3 weeks, maybe not even that to realize how much he cared about me. even when I continually pushed him away because I honestly couldn’t believe he was making such effort, for ME! I think us girls get used to guys treating us like crap (or not even that, but guys just not trying. not being in it for the right reasons.) guys that say all the right things but when it comes down to it, they could care less. or they care a little, but it is contingent upon what you can do for them. not this boy.

This is not a boy, this is a man. On the second date (we had probably known each other maybe a few weeks) I was at his house watching a movie and I fell asleep. My dad called my phone and woke me up and I apologized and drove home. The very next day (without me saying anything) this boy, ahem, man comes to my house to pick me up, comes in and finds my dad and apologizes for the fact that I fell asleep at his house. TO MY DAD. My dad is a sweet guy but he is pretty intimidating (even to me) he tells my dad that he didn’t mean to disrespect him in any way and that we would be better about me not being out so late. Not only did this man make such a great effort, but he had only known me for two weeks. A boy I had dated before him wouldn’t come over and talk to my dad EVER. I dated him for three years.

Three years. Spent with someone who didn’t care. Well actually I will give him a little credit. He cared, just not enough. If you truly love someone, and you want to be with them for the rest of your life (or in our case, for the rest of eternity :) then don’t you think a simple apology or just chatting with someone’s parents would come naturally? Its completely second nature to talk to his mom. I mean I can’t say that I wasn’t nervous when I first met her, but that doesn’t mean im scared to death of ever talking to her. and i would put up a fight for him, and not a physical fight with his mom (haha) but sit down with her if I screwed up and tell her how much I loved and adored her son, and how much I cared about having a good relationship with her, not just to make him happy, but because that’s what you do when you make a mistake. You dont hide, you face it head on. and you dont give up. if you dont give up you cant fail.

His family becomes my family. Baggage and all. And im excited about that. Maybe more excited than i should be.

Maybe someday I can show him as much love as he has shown me in the past four months. Wonderful man.