...

how is it that in one instant you can feel so totally safe and in love and the next minute, its gone, and replaced with a scary sad dark empty pit at the bottom of your stomach? i will tell you how. when your a stupid girl who has no idea what she wants and puts herself in situations where a boy will like her, then is fickle or scared or freaked out and turns this cute sweet wonderful boy away because she is more scared of committment then she ever will be of being alone.

she is scared that somehow things will end up like her parents. 23 years of happy marraige and there is a bump in the road and everything is now askew. but you should never look at someone eles relationship and compare it to your own. everything will work itself out she says as she looks at wedding pictures of a friend she hardly knew in high school and it brings tears to her eyes. all i want is that happiness and yet i am choosing to run in the other direction when i meet anyone who i could really see making me happy for the rest of my life. anyone being one boy in particular who has some of the greatest qualities she has ever seen in a man. Honesty, loyalty, compassion, love for my family.... this list is endless. and except for a few small things he is everything i have ever wanted in a man to marry. and somehow i need more time, more space, more distance between us then ever because i just cant make up my mind. im falling in love with him. i want so bad for my life to be happy forever, yet i keep making choices that would prove otherwise.

gotta get this mind made up.