your actions say it all.

i think this quote says it best, its from one of my favorite movies (The Last Kiss);

"Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts. "

i will never hurt this boy that i love. never again that is. he has freely given me all of his love, holding nothing back, and now its my turn. I wont be scared, i wont run, or do something to jeprodize what we have worked so hard to get. it has taken so much out of me and its not easy, but its so much better than what i had before, that i dont think i can even compre the two. i love you with all that i have. i am letting everything else flow out of me. i will give all my pain and sadness away.

you are my everything and i will never look back. ever again.

the time for change (for me) is now

im not as good a writer as other people. heck, im not a good a person as others. all i can do is my best. and even that is hard sometimes. but i know i take too much for granted. i look at the way other people are living (and without even meaning to, compare myself to them) and realize that i am so lucky to have what i have, and to have experienced the things i have experienced. i know that without what i have gone through, i wouldnt be the same person. i would probably still be wondering, "i wonder what that is like...." i dont want to look back on my life and regret it. i want to live it each day with purpose and do my best.

so easy to sad, but so much more challanging than i ever thought possible. a good friend of mine lost someone because he decided to end their relationship. like me, she was upset to see it end, but i think that deep down she knows this is what is supposed to happen in her life. her subconcious has been telling her for sometime that he is not what she needs. hes a great guy, he cares, but he isnt for you. there is something else in store for her, something better. if we have known God as long as the church teaches that we have (we were with him for the space of 5 million years i believe, but dont quote me) he knows us pretty well. he knows our potential and he knows what we deserve. He will do everything in his power (besides take away our agency) to give us what he knows we deserve. But thats the problem. there are people in the world who dont think they deserve to be happy. or they are just looking in the wrong direction for happiness.

i think of all the time i wasted being sad, time i still waste some days wallowing in my own self pity. someone hurt me, and i gave so much to that person that i dont think i will ever forget what i have learned. but there are people hurting much worse than me every day. i need to stop this "pity party" and start serving others. all my posts sound really cliche`, but thats really how i feel today. stop being sad for yourself and help someone else. there is a time to be sad, but that time has been long gone for you. put the past where it needs to be: in the past. Move forward and look at all God has given you. Look at all the times God has been there to carry you and listen and bless.

we each only have one life. and im going to stop wasting mine. stop taking my health and my strength for granted. now is the time to change.